Don't confuse what I say with honesty

Ha, so I haven't talked here in forever. And I've been sort of ignoring the Naruto fandom while I licked my wounds over my ex partner cheating on me with a cosplayer of some notoriety. (And even though my ex is aware of this journal, I hope that they've got better things to do than read my personal shit.)

Then I tumbled into MCU and Hobbit and finally Teen Wolf in 2014... where I wrote almost 170k over the last two years. Who knew I had that in me? Definitely not me.

So over the last few years, I've written a lot, made friends, lost friends, started drama, moved houses, and gotten engaged to someone wonderful. (And I'm working on some personal things like changing my name and presenting as male, so there's that.)

It was sort of on a lark that I decided to finally post what I had of that old kakasaku apocafic. When I checked out the old comms, there hadn't been activity in forever. But I should have had faith. :P When I looked today, there were posts! It's a shame that I'm too late to do the LFS challenge, but ah well.

Hmm. I guess in a few minutes, I'll crosspost my Naruto fics here... for no one to find because who the fuck uses DW anymore?

Ugh. Well. The air conditioner works again. You have no idea how wonderful that is. This summer has been terrible - full of rain and disgusting heat. Cooking in my house no longer makes me want to cry. I don't live in a sweat lodge anymore! Best. Thing. Ever.

I've been trying to find out if my external drive is completely dead, or if I can still pull the files from it. :/ Hopefully, I will not lose everything on it. Some of it is (stupidly on my part) irreplaceable. Yeah, yeah. I know I should have made a backup. Seriously though. It was hundreds of gigs. I needed another external drive, and that was money I still don't have.

-_- <-- That's my face about the whole ordeal.


Sadly, I lost the notes and scenes I'd written for the 'Sakura talks to coma patients to work out her problems and feel better about life' thing. My End of the World story (8 months late) is chugging along painfully. While I did have it on a cloud, it's not the latest version... I'm tempted to just edit the thing to vaguely flow together and throw it online. I'm that tired of looking at it. Several key scenes have failed to take shape, and I'm pretty frustrated. It'd be nice to have someone to look it over, but I don't have that type of (Naruto) fandom friends anymore. Okay, I might, but it would feel like an imposition. Most of them read a lot of godlike!Naruto and crack!adventure stories, so... I don't think they're the kind of audience that would give me valuable feedback.

I've been playing too many video games. Send help.

If you ask me where November went, then I have NO ANSWER.

Really, I have no idea how it is already December. Magic. Obviously, magic.

I managed to not participate in Nanowrimo, have a cold through most of November and participate in a semi-traditional American Thanksgiving... all through a haze of Nyquil and other drugs. If I did anything else of note (video games don't count except for with my little group), then I certainly can't remember. Oh! I watched all of the available Sword Art Online in two days. Yeah, still not very noteworthy or valuable. :/

My mostly non-existent immune system sucks. Maybe I should start taking a multi-vitamin again.

This month... this month I will write something! Anything. Well. Anything that's not an email or a review or a list or a blog entry?


Oh my. I just realized that I missed National Poetry Month. I love National Poetry Month. It is a wonderful excuse to spam people with poems I love or have just found or think are interesting...

So. Have a poem.


Objects Contain the Possibility of All Situations

I may kill. You should know this about me.
A razor in the night, without warning.
Objects contain the possibility
Of all situations. States of being
Embrace all imaginable events.
Any one life, or pair of lives, harbors
Every death. The succession of presents
Comprehends all foreseeable futures.
I have it in me to be a galaxy
Or one leaf on the frond of a fern.
I may become light in a sanctuary
Kindled by a rose window, or a cairn
Older than the woods it renders holy.
I may become water or earth. I may burn.

~H.L. Hix

Humbug!

I've been contemplating doing some noodling about with a drabble series. I just... really... I have no idea what fandom I want to write about. I just know that I want to write something about "I tell you miserable things after you are asleep" because I listen to The National too often. Hm. I had a vague thought of writing about visiting a stranger in a coma just to talk about private things which obviously (for me) led to Sakura talking to coma patients late at night about her troubles because the unconscious can't judge her.

I think that I need to start dealing with the fact that I'm afraid to write again. I stopped for a very long time because I had no extra emotional energy to deal with anything except trying to eke out an existence. Maybe things have changed enough?